Hi, I’m Becky

I’m a mum to three girls all thanks to egg donation. ‘Mum’ is a word I feared I’d never get the chance to use to describe myself, a diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Insufficiency led to a long fertility journey including many failed IVF cycles and miscarriage before we made the momentous decision to build our family using an egg donor.

I remember feeling very alone and confused, with no-one who truly understood to talk to about my many fears for the future and it’s unknowns, which is why I’ve created this space. I began simply by sharing my story but it has become so much more, through this blog and my Instagram community I’m on a mission to raise awareness of the challenges of infertility as well as donor conception as an alternative path to parenthood. My platform is designed to validate your feelings, encourage sharing, offer support and information whilst making important connections so that you don’t have to experience this alone.

I’ve now launched a new platform, Paths to Parenthub which offers both support and connection for donor conception.

Support and Connection for Donor Conception

Whether you are at the very beginning of your journey, or now parenting via donor conception, come and join our private space to find support, information, friendship, and a sense of community within the Paths to Parenthub.

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ReDefining Parenthood Podcast

Hosted by Becky of DefiningMum, The Redefining Parenthood (RP) podcast focuses on family building when using a donor, featuring stories where a difficult trying to conceive journey has unexpectedly led them towards this path.

Through personal stories, Becky shares relatable conversations as she talks to her guests about the hope and the expectations, alongside feelings of shame, dealing with genetic loss, family resemblances, talking to others and importantly to our children about this lesser discussed family building story.

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About Me

I’m Becky, an incredibly grateful 34 year old donor egg IVF mum to three beautiful girls. I live in the UK with my husband Matt as well as Mila, aged 3 and twins Eska and Lena, aged 2. Before becoming a mum I was a HR Professional, working in numerous people focused roles across a number of well-known organisations. After having our twins I made the decision to leave my career and focus on raising them, whilst starting to build on my passion to support others who were in the same place that I’d once been.

At the end of 2018 my best friend kindly built me a blog site to allow me to start sharing our story, which is when DefiningMum was born. I use the name ‘DefiningMum’ because this whole journey allowed me to redefine what it really means to be a mum. It allowed me to realise that mothering is an act, an intention and what we do every single day, it isn’t solely defined by sharing genetics. I feel grateful and honoured to have made so many connections just through sharing my reflections, learnings and parenting journey and hope to make many more.

I also still wear my HR hat, as a co-founder of Fertility Matters At Work, another passion of mine. This initiative is designed to raise awareness of the challenges faced when dealing with fertility struggles in the workplace, whilst educating employers on how they can best support their employees.

You can follow me @DefiningMum on Instagram and Facebook, and for more on fertility in the workplace you can find us at FertilityMattersAtWork.

I sometimes hear donor conception (along with othe

I’m re-sharing this oldie because I know that ta

I shared these words by @lexyflorentina (via @soma

Acceptance. I didn’t realise at the time but it’s been a huge part of becoming & being a parent through donor conception. It’s not been easy & has definitely been a process over time.
Acceptance of a different path, that my child won’t share my genetics, that they share genetics with someone else, that we have a more complex story, that we have a responsibility to tell them that story & support them with what it means.

I’ve also learnt that acceptance doesn’t mean being 100% ok with it 100% of the time, we are human after all & often still hold feelings of loss from our journey to parenthood. I still have moments of grief & anxiety around some of these, but it has become so much easier.

A lot of these play to our fears around using a donor to conceive, the fear of not feeling like the ‘real’ parent, of being replaced one day, of the potential impact to our child, of our child not resembling us, that it will dominate our whole narrative & family life. On the other side, almost all of these fears have been unfounded, with the exception of how my children might feel, but this has definitely lessoned over time, whilst also being an inevitable part of parenting!

Time has helped me towards acceptance but also talking, recognising these fears, understanding them & hearing from others. All of this is part of @paths_to_parenthub & the reason why I created it. Conversations with professionals & shared lived experiences to help you feel less alone & have a better understanding of why you’re feeling the way you do, plus peer to peer support in a safe private space. Tomorrow evening I’m hosting a webinar with Julianne @parenthoodinmind called "Living with grief, do we ever move on?" where we'll explore all of this.

Do these statements resonate with you? These are personal to me but I’d love to hear if your moments of acceptance have been any different? I also want to recognise that I know acceptance around the term ‘genetic parent’ is hard & the word ‘parent’ can be triggering, my acceptance has come through realising that scientifically this term is most accurate, whereas our reality, our day to day parenting (the verb) is completely different, & that’s all me.💛

I love this simple & powerful image by @skybanyes

The length of time it's taken me to actually share

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