Chasing motherhood in a nutshell

Chasing motherhood in a nutshell


So here’s where you find out more about my story. Here I am, make up free in my glamorous hospital gown wearing my lucky orange socks (orange is the colour of fertility, if you didn’t already know!). I’m about to undergo egg collection for either the 3rd or 4th time (to be honest I’ve lost track!).  I’ve called my story ‘Chasing Motherhood’ as my path to Motherhood felt very much like a chase, a desperate chase for something I wanted so badly that there’s no doubt it changed me. I’m not going to get into the finer details at this stage as I’ll highlight significant events, topics and feelings in my upcoming blogs, but here is a quick summary so you can decide if you’d like to read on.

2014. I can’t quite put my finger on what started it, but something had been niggling away at me for a few months. With frighteningly little help from useless GP’s, bizarrely I self diagnosed my Premature Ovarian Failure. For my 28th birthday it was confirmed as Early Menopause – lucky me!

My search for answers began and I met a complete stranger online who became my friend, mentor and saviour! Within days I was sharing intimate details about my ovaries, follicles, hormone levels, cycles, uterine lining thickness…you name it!

Our first round of IVF, fully stimulated with hormone drugs, was a success – woohoo! With our one embryo I became pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. Sadly however it wasn’t to be and I was devastated to suffer a missed miscarriage.

My coping mechanism was to form a plan and so I started to find out more about egg donation. We (I say we, my husband attended very reluctantly) attended an information evening which can only be labelled as ‘How not to promote donor conception’. Yep, it was truly awful.

Continuing my quest with my own eggs, I became a human guinea pig and was told countless times about my abnormally TINY ovaries! I was prodded and poked and further IVF cycles were unsuccessful. My obsession grew, and my desperation to be a Mum led me to do some pretty crazy things!

Just to intensify the torture, more and more friends became pregnant first time without a care in the world, including friends who weren’t even trying! Babies were everywhere.

Finally, we made a momentous decision whilst away on honeymoon – to try donor eggs. It was here that everything seemed to change. We took a leap of faith in a clinic in the Czech Republic and it actually worked!

Fast forward three years and I am now a Mum of three girls. Any doubts I’d had evaporated instantly when I held them in my arms. I wouldn’t change them for the world. I’m definitely more grateful having been through what we have. Someone once said to me, ‘when you’ve been through this – you parent with every inch of your soul’, and it’s true, I believe I’m a better Mum because of it.

I want to use our experience to help others in similar situations overcome similar feelings and anxieties. Infertility is seldom talked about and donor conception even more so. Everyone will have a different story but it is sharing these stories that help us feel less alone.

Love, Becky x


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