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Infertility
Donor Conception
Baby Loss

I’m Becky, an incredibly grateful 34 year old donor egg IVF mum to three beautiful girls. I live in the UK with my husband Matt as well as Mila, aged 3 and twins Eska and Lena, aged 2.

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Healthline Infertility Best Blogs 2020

I know it's been a while but I'm delighted to say

I know it's been a while but I'm delighted to say that I have another Insta Takeover for you, happening tomorrow all the way from BC, Canada!

@dani_repsch will be sharing her story with you all, with a chance for you to ask questions - just check out my stories from Tuesday afternoon (UK time).

After three rounds of IVF with her own eggs resulting in zero embryos to transfer, Dani used a US frozen egg bank in 2019 to have their almost 2 year old son, Nathan. She's currently in the middle of a FET cycle and hoping to add to her family very soon!

Huge thank you to Dani for sharing her story so openly with you all. 💛

As they were so popular before, I'm hoping to host more takeovers on my page - keep your eyes peeled for more announcements coming soon!

#instatakeover #donorconception #donoreggs #deivf #deivfmama #deivfsisters #donoreggmama #infertilityawareness #donoreggivf

Support doesn't mean having all of the answers, ta

Support doesn't mean having all of the answers, taking away the pain or being able to fix it - it's about being there, listening and making sure they don't feel alone.

Human nature often means we can feel the immediate need to offer advice to help mend a situation, rather than stick to what is actually within our power and simply offer support.

Some people can feel the need to 'fix' fertility struggles by offering mostly well-meaning but somewhat useless suggestions (cue the infamous "just relax") or random examples of others who managed a miraculous conception in totally different medical circumstances.

Sometimes they avoid the subject as they simply don't know what to say or feel like they don't understand enough to allow them to positively contribute.

Sometimes they don’t realise that it isn't actually possible for them to take away the pain or fill the hole that infertility can leave.

But they can make such a difference by simply...

Being present

Listening

Checking in

Offering to help make daily life a little easier - especially around treatment dates

Offering welcome distractions

Being aware of triggering dates and anniversaries

Unexpectedly brightening our day in their own special way

...and, above all - accepting, recognising and validating how we are feeling.

I came across this from a post I shared over a year ago and thought it would be worth sharing again 💛

What's the best support you've received?

#infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #youarenotalone #infertilitysupport #ivfsupport #fertilitysupport #ttccommunity #ivfsisters #ttcsisters

I know donor conception can feel very heavy at tim

I know donor conception can feel very heavy at times, it's not something that can be just ‘forgotten’ once we have our children and in some ways it becomes even more significant once they're here.

But, what I want to talk about today is perspective and balance, something we discussed as part of our @paths_to_parenthub webinar this week. Honesty and openness about how they came to be is incredibly important and something I talk about a lot, but it's not forgetting the incredible relationships filled with love and joy that we are constantly building every day. In reality our days are filled with simply being a family & it’s not something we discuss daily or even weekly.

I'm just so grateful to get to spend my days with them, making memories, the joy of all the 'firsts', nurturing, the laughs, the tears, the familiarity, as well as the constant mum worries that most parents inevitably have. The 'heavy' stuff in reality takes up a very small proportion of our time, with the often amazing (and equally the mundane) daily life taking up the vast majority.

It's not to say it's not important, but there is so much more to our girls and to our family than just their conception. This, in this picture, is what we're all about - loving each other unconditionally, whilst building strong bonds and foundations for years to come, ensuring that it's all they've ever known and that we're comfortable with our family 'normal'. I actually think that providing such openness, honesty and vulnerability gives a huge opportunity to build solid foundations in our parent and child relationship for years to come.

I share this picture because I think it says so much - the joy of spending time with Eska and Lena, being climbed upon, constantly needed and their ultimate comfort. THIS is what I keep in mind.

#donorconception #deivf #deivfmama #deivfsuccess #pathstoparenthood #pathstoparenthub #donoreggs #motherhoodunplugged #mumofgirls #infertilityawareness

Last night I read Mila a new book @youweremeantfor

Last night I read Mila a new book @youweremeantformebook that I've kindly been #gifted by Sheri. It gave us an opportunity to talk again about her conception & a chance for me to see what she has remembered! As always, Mila is like a sponge & has totally absorbed our previous conversations - remembering that mummy's eggs didn't work & we needed eggs from a donor. This book is beautiful to read, with rhyming words that roll off the tongue (I love a rhyming book!) & a story which explains that an important piece was missing when we tried to make a baby.

During the story, as we spoke in-between pages, she suddenly looked sad & so I asked her what was wrong (cue alarm bells ringing). To which she replied "I'm sad because I want your eggs to work Mummy". Oh my heart! 💔

Instantly I told her that I'm not sad now, because if my eggs had worked I wouldn't have HER, something which is simply unimaginable. What I hadn't expected is her response to be that she felt sad for me. I think it shows her amazing empathetic nature, but I also know that (at the age she's at) she's not yet realising what it actually means for her. It will take time before she realises that there is something missing in terms of her genetic links & there’s no way of knowing how she & her sisters might feel about that. It’s why I’m trying to learn as much as I can now to enable me to anticipate & adapt as they grow. Although I desperately hope they won't have any negative feelings, there are no guarantees. All I can do is my best to support them, keeping our conversations open & honest.

I'm pleased she raised it tonight as the last thing I would ever want them thinking is that I‘d have wanted things to turn out any other way than they have. They are most definitely not a 'plan b' or in any way 'second best', they are my precious daughters who are loved beyond words - I wouldn't change them for the world.

I've got an exciting giveaway coming soon on this very theme, alongside the Paths to Parenthub webinar I'm hosting this week all about "Talking to your child about donor conception". If you haven't already, sign up through the link in my bio or head to @paths_to_parenthub to find out more! 💛

I saw this quote from @psychotherapy_mum & it real

I saw this quote from @psychotherapy_mum & it really resonated, particularly when it comes to parenting after infertility & donor conception. Often we're faced with difficult feelings, challenging conversations & sometimes painful memories, which can be even more difficult to process when all of our energy is invested in finally parenting & looking after our much-longed for child.

As I've chatted with my expert speakers for @Paths_to_Parenthub, this overarching theme has come up on more than one occasion - how in helping us do what is 'right' for our children, we have to look after both our adult & parent needs. When I speak to others through DM's & email, I often hear how much we as adults need support, to recognise our own needs & in doing so be kinder to ourselves.

Everything I'm curating as part of Paths to Parenthub is designed to ultimately support & give information to us as parents, right from making the decision through to pregnancy & parenting beyond. The aim is to allow us to be in the best state of mind to give us the confidence to have the right conversations & provide the best support for our children, doing so knowing that we're not alone, but part of a supportive group who all want the same thing - what's best for our children.

Over the coming few months we're going to be focusing on talking to our children about donor conception, what their reactions might be as they grow, attachment & bonding, talking to friends and family & so much more. All designed to open up important conversations, to help us reflect & learn, whilst communicating & sharing with each other (as much or as little as you want) as part of our private networking community.

If you want to join us, help shape these conversations, ask your own questions & support yourself through information, connection & community then you can become a member today through the link in my bio or head over to @paths_to_parenthub bio.

I'd love to welcome you there. 💛

PS - if you want to try it out first, you can also 'pay as you go' to access the webinar (live / recorded), with the option to then convert to a member & receive the amount of your first membership payment.

BLOG: As it's #worldmenopause day I thought it wou

BLOG: As it's #worldmenopause day I thought it would be the perfect time to open up about my experience as a 34 year-old, infertile, menopausal, mum of 3.

When I was diagnosed with "premature ovarian failure" just after I turned 28, I didn't really hear the early menopause diagnosis. All my brain could process was that I might not be able to have children. Even though it's intrinsically linked, the news came secondary to my fertility. It's only post our fertility journey, after I've grieved the loss of my genetics, that I suppose I'm now grieving the impending loss of my menstruation (I say impending as I'm still peri-menopausal 6yrs on).

I've asked myself what it is I'm actually grieving? I've joked at times that I'll be pleased to never have a period again, but in reality the loss of my periods actually makes me feel quite sad. I suppose it's the loss of something that reflects my womanhood, something I'm not really ready to let go of 2 decades before I'm supposed to. What I hadn't realised was the complex emotional & physical impact of this transition.

Reflecting on this, I've realised there are so many parallels between early menopause & infertility, which explains why both experiences can be so hard to deal with. For me they represent my femininity & my purpose as a woman, losing which has led to definite feelings of grief, for things that aren’t tangible & often misunderstood.

I realise that this too is a journey where, just like my infertility, I have to process & make peace with the cards I‘ve been dealt. I’ve wrangled with my internal voice telling myself “it could be worse”, but I’m holding onto one of the main things infertility has taught me – that my feelings are valid, should be felt & shouldn’t be compared. It’s thinking about my fertility journey when I realise just how familiar these are - the loss of control of my body as it changes, feelings of failure as my body doesn’t work the way it should, the shame & loneliness of it being a topic so rarely talked about. That’s why I want to use my platform to share these conversations too, building on the power of sharing to show that no-one has to experience this alone.

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