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Guest Blog
Infertility
Donor Conception
Baby Loss

I’m Becky, an incredibly grateful 34 year old donor egg IVF mum to three beautiful girls. I live in the UK with my husband Matt as well as Mila, aged 3 and twins Eska and Lena, aged 2.

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Healthline Infertility Best Blogs 2020

I wanted to highlight words shared by Julianne @p

I wanted to highlight words shared by Julianne @parenthoodinmind yesterday, simply because they are important to hear & perfectly validate what each of us may face when it comes to donor conception. Julianne clearly articulates why additional, tailored support on this journey to become parents & beyond is so important.

"Supporting families is my passion. And families that have had to take a less travelled path to find each other often need more support. But the support isn't often tailored or attuned enough to what they may have come through to become parents. And that's where I decided many years ago I want to be offering support.

But it's also about taboo busting. Reproductive equality. Giving families the potential to have a child without a life limiting disease. Allowing individual's create a family of choice. Having a child after cancer or reproductive injury. Choosing to become parents via donor conception is much more complex than most people realise.

For those who become parents via donor conception often face social stigma or a lack of understanding about their choices. And they have often experienced loss & trauma along the way to becoming parents. The loss of the dream they have had since childhood about being a parent & what that would look like for them.

And as we know supporting these families-to-be across the transition to parenthood - even from contemplating donor conception - means better outcomes for the individual, couple & babies."

The final line really resonated - it's not just about us, it's about how this decision impacts our relationships & our future children. It makes me sad that so many of you (myself included) feel alone on this journey, having to work through complex emotions & decisions. It's hard to believe that some face this with zero counselling support, & some with just one session. It's not to say there aren't some great resources out there, but I feel there is so much room for more. My vision is to facilitate a space where people building families using a donor can speak freely & safely about their emotions & fears, all with the aim of understanding how best to support their future child.
Continued in comments...

Happy Birthday to this amazing man, the one who ha

Happy Birthday to this amazing man, the one who has stuck by me through it all, never once wavering in support. He's been there through the early menopause diagnosis, the many IVF cycles, the miscarriage, making the decision to use an egg donor, having and juggling three children close in age, my menopausal mood swings, the many hours I spend on an evening working on this platform, and most recently for being a patient sounding board as I have created @paths_to_parenthub.

I read this quote earlier which rang so true for our relationship (although I have no idea who wrote it so can't give credit):

"Marriage is about becoming a team. You're going to spend the rest of your life learning about each other, and every now and then, things blow up. But the beauty of marriage is that if you picked the right person and you both love each other, you'll always figure out a way to get through it."

I'm not only lucky to have our three girls, but I mustn't forget that I'm also incredibly lucky to have Matt too - without him I wouldn't be where I am today, something that can easily be taken for granted when life is so busy. Seeing Mila, Eska and Lena run into his arms this morning singing "Happy Birthday" brought me so much joy just through seeing the joy that they bring to him. It makes everything we went through all worth it. 💛

#happybirthday #deivf #deivfsuccess #donoreggs #parentingafterinfertility #grateful #donorconception #fertilityblog #definingmum

As part of @Paths_to_Parenthub I'll be hosting reg

As part of @Paths_to_Parenthub I'll be hosting regular live webinars with expert speakers, the first of which is just 1 week away. I'm delighted to be joined by the wonderful Julianne Boutaleb, perinatal psychologist who specialises in working with fertility issues, as we talk all about the grief involved when making the decision to use a donor. How, for many of us, there is a huge amount of grief to process as we let go of our old dream, before accepting & re-defining what will become our new dream.

We’ll explore reflections on what our ‘old dream’ might have looked like, hearing Julianne’s expert advice whilst sharing my own personal experience. It’s understanding what it is we are having to let go of & exploring the importance of mourning this loss. We’ll speak candidly about the range of feelings we might experience when letting go of our long-held & deep-rooted dream.

We’ll then switch to how we can redefine that dream, allowing it to become our new dream, giving hope for something I’m now lucky enough to call my reality. Julianne will give advice on how we might be able to do this & will share what some of the common fears & worries might be. Ultimately it’s not about settling for ‘second best’, but about re-conceiving your personal dream.

This webinar will be no doubt an emotional one, but an important topic to recognise & for feelings to be validated. It’s suitable for anyone who’s feeling like they’re grieving the loss of a dream – whether you’re embarking on solo motherhood after always dreaming of doing it with a partner, having to consider a sperm donor, an egg donor or double donation. If you’re partnered, it’s a great one to watch together – allowing you to open up a dialogue about each other’s dreams, in the safety & comfort of your own home.

To access this & all other webinars (swipe ➡️ the next 3 we have planned) become a member today! Members have the opportunity to submit questions in advance & have access to all recorded webinars, live chats, our connection site & a whole host of other resources. Alternatively, if you'd prefer to watch as a non-member there’s also an option to sign up as a 'pay as you go' option! Link is in my bio! 💛

ANNOUNCEMENT! I'm SO excited (& equally terrified

ANNOUNCEMENT!

I'm SO excited (& equally terrified!) to finally share my vision with you, a vision for emotional support & connection for donor conception.

Paths to Parenthub @paths_to_parenthub is for anyone who needs to use a donor to conceive, whether you are at the very beginning of your journey, or now parenting via donor conception. In my bio you'll find the link to the private space I've created for you to find support, information, friendship & a sense of community.

With more structure & greater privacy than Instagram & Facebook, this members-only community will provide you with a safe space to express yourself, to learn & better understand the many facets of donor conception, & to help you feel less alone on this path to parenthood.

Bringing you:

SUPPORT
...with regular expert webinars, live chats, courses & a bespoke counsellor directory

CONNECTION
...members-only access to a private networking group designed to make connections, share experiences, find support & friendship with other families using donor conception

RESOURCES
...a range of resources to read, listen to & watch, all designed to help guide you, at whatever stage of your journey.

You can read much more about it through the link in my bio & I've also uploaded a video on IGTV, where I talk all about the different offerings as part of the hub & plans for evolution.

As a celebratory launch offer, this week I'm offering 10% off monthly or annual memberships, so make sure you sign up quickly! Our first expert webinar is next week, something I'll share more about tomorrow - or you can check out the webinar schedule over on the Paths to Parenthub site!

It’s everything I needed & wanted back when I was making the decision, & even now as a parent through donor conception. It’s the opportunity to truly “find your tribe” & not only make connections for yourself, but also your future children.

I hope you like it. Please do let me know your thoughts & please share far & wide to help spread the word about what I hope will become a thriving & supportive community! 💛

I’m sat in my filming chair in my make-shift nur

I’m sat in my filming chair in my make-shift nursery / studio, a mixture of emotions - excited, nervous, apprehensive and happy ahead of launching something very special with you tomorrow. Something that has been a vision of mine for a long time, something I hope will evolve and grow and something I hope will fill a gap for many of you when it comes to emotional support and connection for donor conception.

Most of all, I feel thankful. Thankful to have found this community, a place where I have found so much comfort and validation myself. I've been on these squares for almost two years now and have loved finding strength in the power of sharing. You've all fuelled and inspired this project and everything I do, something which provides me with such a sense of reward and passion like I've never felt before. I wouldn't be here without you and in so many ways you have made me feel much less alone.

So, thank you for all of your support so far!

What I announce tomorrow will hopefully allow me to sustain and build on this support for years to come. 💛

Lots of love,

Becky
xxx

#definingmum #donorconception #youarenotalone #infertilitysupport #donorconceptionsupport #recipientparent #deivfmama #deivf #donoreggs #donoreggsuccess #ttc #ttccommunity #fertilityblog #pof

As my own excitement grows around the launch of my

As my own excitement grows around the launch of my new project on Monday, I thought I would build on this excitement with you all and host my first of three amazing celebratory giveaways! Some incredibly lovely people have donated some beautiful prizes, allowing me to give you the chance of winning them all!

In this first giveaway you can win a bundle of wonderful prizes -

🌈 A gorgeous, original, hand-painted miniature rainbow painting by @adelle.in.sussex The perfect 🌈 symbol for this community!

☀️ GLOW - A @niniorganics soft focus illuminating oil, which works beautifully with any balm foundation and is an instant skin pick me up. 100% natural & organic vegan products which are handmade with LOVE! 💛

🌙 A beautiful @avenuerichmond "Night In" candle, created in collaboration with the lovely @_tryingtobeamum_ , it's the perfect scent to unwind and reduce stress (I can speak from experience as I have one and it is divine!)

All you need to do to be in with a chance of winning all of these prizes is:

💛 Follow each of us...
@DefiningMum
@adelle.in.sussex
@avenuerichmond
@niniorganics

💛 Like this post

💛 Tag a friend who deserves a treat (one tag per comment, each tag is an extra entry)

💛 Share and tag @definingmum for an extra entry

The competition closes ‪at 11.59pm (BST) on Sunday 20th September‬, with the winner being announced in my stories on my launch day on Monday - UK entrants only.

I want to say a huge thank you to @adelle.in.sussex, @avenuerichmond and @niniorganics for making this amazing bundle possible. Good luck everyone!

(This competition is in no way sponsored or endorsed by Instagram)
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#giveaway #treatyourself #ttccommunity #comingsoon #infertilitysisters

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