Stories & Reflections

“Shame dies when stories are told in safe spaces”

(Ann Voskamp)

This is where I first started to put pen to paper, exploring the different emotions and reflections I’ve had on my own path to parenthood using egg donation at certain moments in time since 2018.

Over the years, many others have generously contributed their own personal stories here too, sharing their experiences to help others feel less alone on this journey. These are real voices, real feelings, and real insights into the joys and complexities of donor conception.

Use the categories below to navigate the content that resonates with you. If you’d like to share your own personal story, I’m open to submissions using the form here.

From Donor Conceived Person to Recipient Parent – Hayley’s Story

My story starts in the early 1980’s. My parents have been married for many years but unable to conceive. After exhausting all avenues my parents finally get pregnant with the help of in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) and I go down in the history books as one of the first...

Q&A with Martha, an egg donor conceived adult

I'm continuing to share experiences from those who are donor conceived themselves, a vital perspective for us to understand and learn from as parents through donor conception. I’ve found it much more difficult to find voices of those conceived through egg donation,...

Q&A with Chloe, an egg donor conceived adult

Today I'm starting to share experiences from those who are donor conceived themselves, a vital perspective for us to understand and learn from as parents through donor conception. I've found it much more difficult to find the voices of those conceived through egg...

Allie’s Story: What I wish I’d known about using a known egg donor

What I wish I’d known about using a known egg donor Looking back, the darkest part of our whole infertility ‘journey’* was not when I received my diagnosis of premature ovarian failure. Nor was it when I only grew a single egg during our first IVF cycle, which...

Olivia’s Story – Why I donated my eggs

I am so lucky to be a mum, an egg donor and now an advocate for the most precious gift you can give. So here it is, my story about how I discovered egg donation and the amazing path it set me on. I had just had my first baby boy when a neighbour from down the road had...

Talking to your child about donor conception

Talking to your child about donor conception can feel both daunting and emotional. Over the past 18 months through my DefiningMum Instagram platform I’ve shared a number of moments from our own parenting-after-donor-conception journey; some planned and some...

Early Menopause and Me…

As it's #WorldMenopauseDay today I thought it would be the perfect time to open up more about my experience as a 34 year-old, infertile, menopausal, mum of three (I know there's so much more to me than that, but this description describes my complex situation well)!...

To tell or not to tell? The school years begin…

It feels like we're approaching a significant change in childhood stages as Mila starts school in just a few weeks time. As I'm sure most parents are, I'm particularly apprehensive and emotional about it all, although I'm trying to hide my emotions as best I can so...

What Comments Might Be Difficult For Your Loved One?

Over recent years there’s been much-needed talk about what not to say to someone facing infertility, but what about donor conception? Inspired by the amazing Alice Rose and her 'Think, What Not to Say" campaign about fertility, I wanted to provide some similar advice...

Dear Loved One…

If you’re reading this blog post as someone wishing to support a loved one who is (or has) needed to use a donor to grow their family – thank you. Thank you for taking the time to better understand and support them in this huge decision, one that will require love,...

“Infertility is always with me”

by Defining Mum | Jun 15, 2020

Guest Blog - By Caroline Even today, after having our beautiful son, the trauma of infertility remains. It feels a part of me, even when I tell myself it will not define me. It is the voice in my...

What Comments Might Be Difficult For Your Loved One?

by Defining Mum | May 28, 2020

“We were two 15 year olds sobbing in bed over infertility.”

by Defining Mum | May 23, 2020

It was back in May 2010 when my whole world fell apart. I was 15, hadn’t started my periods and I was getting increasingly concerned, especially as my younger sister had already started hers. My mam...

Dear Loved One…

by Defining Mum | May 17, 2020

One Step at a Time

by Defining Mum | May 15, 2020

Guest Blog - By Lilly Ibiza 2016. My husband and I were there for a week having decided the party capital of the world was the best change of scene from three years of trying for a baby and two...

Don’t let infertility rob you anymore…

by Defining Mum | May 8, 2020

Guest Blog - By Cat As I sat on the edge of my bed, after just finishing another sobbing session in the shower....I looked in the mirror and saw a familiar sight. My eyes were all red, my face wet...

Anonymity reflections…

by Defining Mum | May 7, 2020

This blog post has been on my mind for a while now, almost a year in fact. For those who didn’t follow me a year ago, I posted about the decision within our story which involved us using an...

Do I ever wonder ‘what if’?

by Defining Mum | May 5, 2020

I've been thinking about this post for a while, trying to put it into words. I've been asked many times if I ever look back & wonder "what if" or have any regrets about stopping IVF treatment...

Deciding to use an egg donor – the male perspective

by Defining Mum | Mar 10, 2020

I've been asked many times about how my husband, Matt, felt about the decision to use an egg donor and how he himself came around to the idea. Not being in a position to answer this myself and not...

Happy Together Children’s Book – Telling Mila about her conception

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

Mila and I finally had the opportunity to read our new book Happy Together Childrens Book - a story about egg donation, kindly gifted to my girls. I actually started talking to her occasionally as a...

Unexpected questions

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

As you know, we'll always be open with the girls about their conception - they'll never know any different. It's only now that Mila is three and a complete chatterbox, that we can actually talk...

Conception Gratitude

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

Jana Rupnow has, yet again, sparked realisation in me! This relates to Jana’s post on ‘Conception Gratitude’. It’s something I want to share and bring to life from the viewpoint of the parent. Jana...

Defining Motherhood

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

Recently I’ve been talking about how I came to make the decision to use donor eggs. I realised that the biggest step-change in my decision-making happened when I asked myself a simple question –...

Holding two places

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

I've been meaning to write about this for a while now, especially since Jana Rupnow and I talked about it in a recent episode of Three Makes Baby podcast - click here to listen. It was another...

Love isn’t genetically programmed

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

I’m sharing because I believe sometimes we can overthink this, particularly when it comes to fears around bonding before we have our children. Think about all of the people you love in your life...

“Empathy comes from being empathised with”

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

One of the most important skills I've always wanted my children to have is empathy. Above anything else I believe it is so important to have the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes,...

Likeness to Daddy

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

This picture popped up on my memories today from 3 years ago. Mila at almost 6 months old (those chubby cheeks 🥰) and Matt at a similar age. They're the same baby, right?! I still can't believe how...

The significance of small-talk

by Defining Mum | Feb 1, 2020

As I've been busy planning my DefiningMum event (announcement coming soon!) I've been thinking a lot about the different fears and challenges that we inevitably face as parents who don't share...

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I’m Becky, a grateful mum to three daughters, a fertility patient advocate, writer, speaker, podcaster, and creator of fertility support specifically for donor conception and the workplace.

Have you got a story to share?

I’m looking for personal reflections around donor conception from the perspectives of recipient parents, parents-to-be, donor conceived people, or donors – all with the aim of providing insights into your perspective, validating experiences, and creating those safe spaces where shame dies and connection begins.

Share your story here