Stories & Reflections

“Shame dies when stories are told in safe spaces”

(Ann Voskamp)

This is where I first started to put pen to paper, exploring the different emotions and reflections I’ve had on my own path to parenthood using egg donation at certain moments in time since 2018.

Over the years, many others have generously contributed their own personal stories here too, sharing their experiences to help others feel less alone on this journey. These are real voices, real feelings, and real insights into the joys and complexities of donor conception.

Use the categories below to navigate the content that resonates with you. If you’d like to share your own personal story, I’m open to submissions using the form here.

From Donor Conceived Person to Recipient Parent – Hayley’s Story

My story starts in the early 1980’s. My parents have been married for many years but unable to conceive. After exhausting all avenues my parents finally get pregnant with the help of in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) and I go down in the history books as one of the first...

Q&A with Martha, an egg donor conceived adult

I'm continuing to share experiences from those who are donor conceived themselves, a vital perspective for us to understand and learn from as parents through donor conception. I’ve found it much more difficult to find voices of those conceived through egg donation,...

Q&A with Chloe, an egg donor conceived adult

Today I'm starting to share experiences from those who are donor conceived themselves, a vital perspective for us to understand and learn from as parents through donor conception. I've found it much more difficult to find the voices of those conceived through egg...

Allie’s Story: What I wish I’d known about using a known egg donor

What I wish I’d known about using a known egg donor Looking back, the darkest part of our whole infertility ‘journey’* was not when I received my diagnosis of premature ovarian failure. Nor was it when I only grew a single egg during our first IVF cycle, which...

Olivia’s Story – Why I donated my eggs

I am so lucky to be a mum, an egg donor and now an advocate for the most precious gift you can give. So here it is, my story about how I discovered egg donation and the amazing path it set me on. I had just had my first baby boy when a neighbour from down the road had...

Talking to your child about donor conception

Talking to your child about donor conception can feel both daunting and emotional. Over the past 18 months through my DefiningMum Instagram platform I’ve shared a number of moments from our own parenting-after-donor-conception journey; some planned and some...

Early Menopause and Me…

As it's #WorldMenopauseDay today I thought it would be the perfect time to open up more about my experience as a 34 year-old, infertile, menopausal, mum of three (I know there's so much more to me than that, but this description describes my complex situation well)!...

To tell or not to tell? The school years begin…

It feels like we're approaching a significant change in childhood stages as Mila starts school in just a few weeks time. As I'm sure most parents are, I'm particularly apprehensive and emotional about it all, although I'm trying to hide my emotions as best I can so...

What Comments Might Be Difficult For Your Loved One?

Over recent years there’s been much-needed talk about what not to say to someone facing infertility, but what about donor conception? Inspired by the amazing Alice Rose and her 'Think, What Not to Say" campaign about fertility, I wanted to provide some similar advice...

Dear Loved One…

If you’re reading this blog post as someone wishing to support a loved one who is (or has) needed to use a donor to grow their family – thank you. Thank you for taking the time to better understand and support them in this huge decision, one that will require love,...

Lisa & Ryan’s Story

by Defining Mum | Oct 10, 2019

Thinking back to when we saw that second pink line on our First Response test, I still feel butterflies. We just could not believe it and were just so over the moon. The evening before we tested, we...

Sarah & Jonathan’s Story

by Defining Mum | Oct 9, 2019

My first experience of Baby Loss Awareness Week almost passed me by. It arrived a little over three months after the loss of my son, Harris, and I remember seeing one of our beautiful Edinburgh...

Baby Loss Awareness Week – My Story

by Defining Mum | Oct 2, 2019

Many of you will be aware that October is Baby Loss Awareness Month, something very close to my heart. Quite simply put - miscarriage needs to be spoken about, awareness needs to be raised and...

Rachel’s Story-Single Mother & Egg Donor

by Defining Mum | Sep 27, 2019

When I was in my late teens, I had always said to my Mum that if I am single when I hit 40 I was going to have a baby on my own using a sperm donor. I knew nothing about how it worked or the ins and...

Guest Blog – How to Help Your Kids Cope with Unexpected Questions from Classmates – Jana Rupnow

by Defining Mum | Sep 4, 2019

I am honoured to be sharing a guest blog post, written for @DefiningMum by the amazing @JanaRupnowLPC, a licensed professional counsellor specialising in fertility and family building. In the timely...

Eloise’s Story – Sperm donation

by Defining Mum | Jul 9, 2019

My husband and I had been married for 3 years before we started trying for a baby. We both always wanted children and used to talk in depth about what they’d be called and what they’d be like. The...

IVF is NOT simply a choice

by Defining Mum | Jun 25, 2019

I’ve had a bee in my bonnet recently, ever since reading some highly insensitive, misinformed comments. The first in response to a fellow blogger’s IVF update post, followed by some ignorant...

Do I Regret Not Trying Again With My Own Eggs?

by Defining Mum | Jun 16, 2019

Regret - Feeling sad, repentant or disappointed over something one has done or failed to do. I’m asked often if I regret not trying again with my own eggs. I can honestly say that I don’t feel one...

Infertility Grief IS real

by Defining Mum | May 16, 2019

Infertility grief IS real. It wasn't until I listened to @janarupnowlpc that I truly acknowledged this - it validated everything I’d felt. Many of us have come across someone (usually someone lucky...

Redefining my vision of a Mum…

by Defining Mum | May 10, 2019

It wasn’t a simple choice based on odds alone, it was a complex emotional decision that took time. I realise now that one blocker for me was worrying about what others might think – the main worry...

Recognising the odds were stacked against us…

by Defining Mum | May 9, 2019

Throughout our infertility journey I was completely emotion-led, to the point where all rational thinking went out of the window. Anything that gave us a possibility, however small and expensive it...

How did I know when it was time to use a donor?

by Defining Mum | May 7, 2019

This is probably the most common question I get asked and definitely the most difficult to answer! It’s a complex decision…everyone has their own individual thoughts, experiences, diagnosis, hormone...

Sarah’s Story – Telling the Child

by Defining Mum | May 1, 2019

I’m Sarah, a 46 year old mum to a 6 year old son, conceived in northern Cyprus by anonymous egg donation. When my husband and I initially embarked on the donor conception part of our journey,...

A message for Mums-in-the-making on Mothers Day

by Defining Mum | Mar 30, 2019

I understand just how hard Mother’s Day is; without a doubt it’s one of the most difficult times of the year for those experiencing fertility struggles and suffering loss. So much emphasis is put on...

Jennifer’s Story

by Defining Mum | Mar 18, 2019

My journey to motherhood was a 4 year roller coaster, full of heartache, tears and loss. My husband, Zach and I had always talked about having children, even before we got engaged. We both...

Epigenetics

by Defining Mum | Mar 14, 2019

I’m by no means a scientific person, I’m much more interested and motivated by the ‘fluffy stuff’ – feelings and relationships and it’s probably because of this that personally I never really felt a...

The Personal Impact of Fertility in the Workplace – My Story

by Defining Mum | Feb 13, 2019

Dealing with fertility struggles whilst trying to maintain a career is one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced. As a HR professional, I can honestly say that I would have struggled to truly...

Nicole’s Story

by Defining Mum | Jan 27, 2019

I wasn’t sure about sharing my story. Most people share once they’ve achieved their happy ending, it provides hope to others. I wanted to share mine, to provide that hope, but my happy ending is...

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I’m Becky, a grateful mum to three daughters, a fertility patient advocate, writer, speaker, podcaster, and creator of fertility support specifically for donor conception and the workplace.

Have you got a story to share?

I’m looking for personal reflections around donor conception from the perspectives of recipient parents, parents-to-be, donor conceived people, or donors – all with the aim of providing insights into your perspective, validating experiences, and creating those safe spaces where shame dies and connection begins.

Share your story here