My Blog
Welcome to my blog! A place where I share our story in more detail with reflections from our fertility journey and beyond, now that I’m a thankful Mum to our donor conceived girls. I believe it’s so important to talk about the often hidden emotions, frustrations and fears involved in making this decision as a way to show others that they’re not alone.
If you’d like to read my story in a nutshell – here it is.
Don’t forget to check out my guest blog for different perspectives of fertility stories and donor conception.
Fertility Blog Posts
The Uncertainty of Infertility
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
I recently saw heard someone say “infertility robs us of the long-term view”. Planning anything during fertility struggles becomes near on...
Read More
How to best support someone facing infertility
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
Not all journeys to motherhood are easy. It can be a long, difficult & traumatic path for as many as...
Read More
Getting pregnant isn’t a skill
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
Getting pregnant isn’t a skill. It isn’t a talent that some people are better at than others. It’s simply the...
Read More
Breaking The Silence – Dealing With Fertility Struggles Whilst At Work
By definingmum2
/ October 28, 2019
With the majority of those experiencing fertility struggles being actively employed, how is there so much silence about these issues...
Read More
#CryingShame – Fertility Network UK Campaign
By definingmum2
/ August 23, 2019
It’s a #CryingShame that those experiencing infertility often feel they need to hide their pain and ‘put on a brave...
Read More
IVF is NOT simply a choice
By definingmum2
/ June 25, 2019
I’ve had a bee in my bonnet recently, ever since reading some highly insensitive, misinformed comments. The first in response...
Read More
Infertility Grief IS real
By definingmum2
/ May 16, 2019
Infertility grief IS real. It wasn't until I listened to @janarupnowlpc that I truly acknowledged this - it validated everything I’d...
Read More
A message for Mums-in-the-making on Mothers Day
By definingmum2
/ March 30, 2019
I understand just how hard Mother’s Day is; without a doubt it’s one of the most difficult times of the...
Read More
The Personal Impact of Fertility in the Workplace – My Story
By definingmum2
/ February 13, 2019
Dealing with fertility struggles whilst trying to maintain a career is one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced....
Read More
Don’t Assume!
By definingmum2
/ January 25, 2019
We are all guilty of making assumptions, imagining that something is happening or going to happen without any proof whatsoever....
Read More
Do Twins Run in the Family? Starting Conversations…
By definingmum2
/ January 25, 2019
Last week I sat in the Doctors waiting room with Eska and Lena. I had the usual comment of “Ooh,...
Read More
The Vicious Cycle of Infertility – Your Right to Reply
By definingmum2
/ January 3, 2019
It’s a vicious cycle– nobody talks about infertility and so you worry about people’s reactions, and because you think that...
Read More
At Least You…
By definingmum2
/ December 6, 2018
It’s that phrase that I think most of us have heard at some point during the infertility journey. ‘At least...
Read More
My Story Chapter 5 – Testing My Resolve
By definingmum2
/ December 6, 2018
After embryo transfer the wait to find out whether it had worked was torture, it was all I could think...
Read More
The Vicious Cycle of Infertility – ‘The Only One’ Or ‘One Of Many’?
By definingmum2
/ December 2, 2018
It’s a vicious cycle – nobody talks about infertility and so you feel like you’re the only person in the world...
Read More
The Vicious Cycle of Infertility – Feeling like a failure
By definingmum2
/ November 27, 2018
I recently explored why I believe it’s good to talk about infertility, but this didn’t address the reasons why we’re afraid...
Read More
My ‘Post Infertility Guilt’ Thanksgiving
By definingmum2
/ November 22, 2018
Since I launched the blog at the start of the month, I haven’t written or updated 'Defining Mum' as often...
Read More
My Story Chapter 4 – IVF… Cycling Without Stabilisers
By definingmum2
/ November 18, 2018
The arrival of the drugs along with the associated needles, syringes, vial snappers and sharps bins was particularly overwhelming. The...
Read More
My Story Chapter 3 – Exciting New Starts (Whilst Avoiding False Starts)
By definingmum2
/ November 14, 2018
It happened so quickly, I didn’t have a second to think about what lay ahead. Yes, a slightly alternate method...
Read More
Why it’s good to talk about infertility
By definingmum2
/ November 8, 2018
Hi, I’ve always been a big advocate of talking things through, whatever the issue. I was no different when it...
Read More
My Story Chapter 1 – Expecting to be expecting…
By definingmum2
/ November 1, 2018
Call me naïve, but at the age of 27 I felt like I was in the prime position to start...
Read More
My Story Chapter 2 – Niggles, Negatives and Negligence…
By definingmum2
/ November 1, 2018
It started as a little niggle. Something just wasn’t quite right. My periods were irregular whilst at the same time...
Read More
Donor Conception Blog Posts
What Not to Say to Someone Using a Donor
By definingmum2
/ May 28, 2020
There’s been much-needed talk about what not to say to someone facing infertility, but what about donor conception? Inspired by...
Read More
Dear Loved One…
By definingmum2
/ May 17, 2020
If you’re reading this blog post as someone wishing to support a loved one who is (or has) needed to...
Read More
Anonymity reflections…
By definingmum2
/ May 7, 2020
This blog post has been on my mind for a while now, almost a year in fact. For those who...
Read More
Do I ever wonder ‘what if’?
By definingmum2
/ May 5, 2020
I've been thinking about this post for a while, trying to put it into words. I've been asked many times...
Read More
Deciding to use an egg donor – the male perspective
By definingmum2
/ March 10, 2020
I've been asked many times about how my husband, Matt, felt about the decision to use an egg donor and...
Read More
Event – DefiningMum presents…
By definingmum2
/ February 6, 2020
Donor Decisions and Beyond I am beyond excited to announce the reality of what has been my vision for the...
Read More
Happy Together Children’s Book – Telling Mila about her conception
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
Mila and I finally had the opportunity to read our new book Happy Together Childrens Book - a story about egg...
Read More
Unexpected questions
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
As you know, we'll always be open with the girls about their conception - they'll never know any different. It's...
Read More
Conception Gratitude
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
Jana Rupnow has, yet again, sparked realisation in me! This relates to Jana’s post on ‘Conception Gratitude’. It’s something I...
Read More
Defining Motherhood
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
Recently I’ve been talking about how I came to make the decision to use donor eggs. I realised that the...
Read More
Holding two places
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
I've been meaning to write about this for a while now, especially since Jana Rupnow and I talked about it in...
Read More
Love isn’t genetically programmed
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
I’m sharing because I believe sometimes we can overthink this, particularly when it comes to fears around bonding before we have...
Read More
“Empathy comes from being empathised with”
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
One of the most important skills I've always wanted my children to have is empathy. Above anything else I believe...
Read More
Likeness to Daddy
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
This picture popped up on my memories today from 3 years ago. Mila at almost 6 months old (those chubby...
Read More
The significance of small-talk
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
As I've been busy planning my DefiningMum event (announcement coming soon!) I've been thinking a lot about the different fears...
Read More
“Just like Mummy”
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
I plan to be very open with Mila, Eska and Lena about how they were conceived using an egg donor....
Read More
Did she get her curls from the mum?
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
“Did she get her curls from the Mum?” Ouch. This is one comment I’ve had in relation to donor conception...
Read More
Society’s focus on family resemblances
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
Society tends to focus on appearances when it comes to family. Naturally we are drawn to search for similarities, especially...
Read More
Facing fears relating to donor conception
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
Many on Instagram have engaged with my posts about fears - thank you for confirming that I'm not alone! These...
Read More
Finding out we’d need to use a donor
By definingmum2
/ February 1, 2020
I still remember exactly where I was, what the weather was like, even what I was wearing when I first...
Read More
Do I Regret Not Trying Again With My Own Eggs?
By definingmum2
/ June 16, 2019
Regret - Feeling sad, repentant or disappointed over something one has done or failed to do. I’m asked often if...
Read More
Redefining my vision of a Mum…
By definingmum2
/ May 10, 2019
It wasn’t a simple choice based on odds alone, it was a complex emotional decision that took time. I realise...
Read More
Recognising the odds were stacked against us…
By definingmum2
/ May 9, 2019
Throughout our infertility journey I was completely emotion-led, to the point where all rational thinking went out of the window....
Read More
How did I know when it was time to use a donor?
By definingmum2
/ May 7, 2019
This is probably the most common question I get asked and definitely the most difficult to answer! It’s a complex...
Read More
Epigenetics
By definingmum2
/ March 14, 2019
I’m by no means a scientific person, I’m much more interested and motivated by the ‘fluffy stuff’ – feelings and...
Read More
Mummy Rabbit
By definingmum2
/ January 25, 2019
This is ‘Mummy Rabbit’ – Mila’s favourite thing in the world, she goes everywhere with her, sleeps with her and...
Read More
My Story Chapter 5 – Testing My Resolve
By definingmum2
/ December 6, 2018
After embryo transfer the wait to find out whether it had worked was torture, it was all I could think...
Read More
My Story Chapter 4 – IVF… Cycling Without Stabilisers
By definingmum2
/ November 18, 2018
The arrival of the drugs along with the associated needles, syringes, vial snappers and sharps bins was particularly overwhelming. The...
Read More
My Story Chapter 3 – Exciting New Starts (Whilst Avoiding False Starts)
By definingmum2
/ November 14, 2018
It happened so quickly, I didn’t have a second to think about what lay ahead. Yes, a slightly alternate method...
Read More
My Story Chapter 1 – Expecting to be expecting…
By definingmum2
/ November 1, 2018
Call me naïve, but at the age of 27 I felt like I was in the prime position to start...
Read More
My Story Chapter 2 – Niggles, Negatives and Negligence…
By definingmum2
/ November 1, 2018
It started as a little niggle. Something just wasn’t quite right. My periods were irregular whilst at the same time...
Read More
All General Fertility Blog Posts
- The Uncertainty of Infertility
- How to best support someone facing infertility
- Getting pregnant isn’t a skill
- Breaking The Silence – Dealing With Fertility Struggles Whilst At Work
- #CryingShame – Fertility Network UK Campaign
- IVF is NOT simply a choice
- Infertility Grief IS real
- A message for Mums-in-the-making on Mothers Day
- The Personal Impact of Fertility in the Workplace – My Story
- Don’t Assume!
All Donor Conception Blog Posts
- What Not to Say to Someone Using a Donor
- Dear Loved One…
- Anonymity reflections…
- Do I ever wonder ‘what if’?
- Deciding to use an egg donor – the male perspective
- Event – DefiningMum presents…
- Happy Together Children’s Book – Telling Mila about her conception
- Unexpected questions
- Conception Gratitude
- Defining Motherhood