HOME
MY STORY
BLOG
PODCAST
MEDIA
PATHS TO PARENTHUB
CONTACT ME

IMG_9224

by Defining Mum | May 9, 2019 | 0 comments

Leave a ReplyCancel reply

Search for:

Categories

Guest Blog
Infertility
Donor Conception
Baby Loss

I’m Becky, an incredibly grateful 34 year old donor egg IVF mum to three beautiful girls. I live in the UK with my husband Matt as well as Mila, aged 3 and twins Eska and Lena, aged 2.

Read more about me

Recently I wrote an article for Fertility Road Magazine called “How to talk to your employer about your fertility treatment” - click here to download your copy.

I sometimes hear donor conception (along with othe

I’m re-sharing this oldie because I know that ta

I shared these words by @lexyflorentina (via @soma

Acceptance. I didn’t realise at the time but it’s been a huge part of becoming & being a parent through donor conception. It’s not been easy & has definitely been a process over time.
Acceptance of a different path, that my child won’t share my genetics, that they share genetics with someone else, that we have a more complex story, that we have a responsibility to tell them that story & support them with what it means.

I’ve also learnt that acceptance doesn’t mean being 100% ok with it 100% of the time, we are human after all & often still hold feelings of loss from our journey to parenthood. I still have moments of grief & anxiety around some of these, but it has become so much easier.

A lot of these play to our fears around using a donor to conceive, the fear of not feeling like the ‘real’ parent, of being replaced one day, of the potential impact to our child, of our child not resembling us, that it will dominate our whole narrative & family life. On the other side, almost all of these fears have been unfounded, with the exception of how my children might feel, but this has definitely lessoned over time, whilst also being an inevitable part of parenting!

Time has helped me towards acceptance but also talking, recognising these fears, understanding them & hearing from others. All of this is part of @paths_to_parenthub & the reason why I created it. Conversations with professionals & shared lived experiences to help you feel less alone & have a better understanding of why you’re feeling the way you do, plus peer to peer support in a safe private space. Tomorrow evening I’m hosting a webinar with Julianne @parenthoodinmind called "Living with grief, do we ever move on?" where we'll explore all of this.

Do these statements resonate with you? These are personal to me but I’d love to hear if your moments of acceptance have been any different? I also want to recognise that I know acceptance around the term ‘genetic parent’ is hard & the word ‘parent’ can be triggering, my acceptance has come through realising that scientifically this term is most accurate, whereas our reality, our day to day parenting (the verb) is completely different, & that’s all me.💛

I love this simple & powerful image by @skybanyes

The length of time it's taken me to actually share

Follow on Instagram

Facebook
Instagram