Recently I’ve been talking about how I came to make the decision to use donor eggs. I realised that the biggest step-change in my decision-making happened when I asked myself a simple question – WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A MUM? That’s where the name ‘DefiningMum’ evolved from; it’s become the foundation behind everything I am trying to do – to show a positive reality of life as a donor egg IVF Mum, whilst trying to empower and support those in a similar position that I was once in.
I write this post to provoke some thoughts in your mind but most of all to give you HOPE. Here are just a few of my learnings as I have defined what it has meant to me being a Mum to Mila, Eska and Lena.
They have been with me, part of me, since day one (well day 5 as an embryo, but you know what I mean). Quite simply they are the most important humans in my life and, as their Mum, I know that I am one of the most important people in their life.
I get to do the every-day things – be by their side at 1/2/3am when they need their Mummy (a regular occurrence!), comfort them when they are poorly or upset, make 3 breakfasts each morning, dress and bath them daily and (exhaustedly but happily) put them to bed every evening. The mundane tasks are the ones I craved and just tonight, after having been in Mila’s room for an hour trying to get her to sleep, I realised that these times are so precious – why not just stay a few more minutes for another cuddle and extra kisses?!
I have total responsibility for the lives of these three girls – which, as daunting as it has been at times, has required complete sacrifice and selflessness. As their most trusted person I am there to support them through whatever life throws at them, shape their views and nurture their personalities. I hope to be a positive role model to them whilst being there to witness and cheer on every single milestone that they experience.
I’m so grateful that we are able to make precious memories – family holidays, Christmases, days out together. Memories that will last a lifetime.
Ultimately it has given me me the chance to experience unconditional love, not once but three times over.
I have come to realise that, whether they were genetically mine or not, I could still have these experiences and be all of these things to my children. Although they may not have my eyes or smile, these feelings are way more important than the passing down of a family trait. Without the gift of donated eggs, I would have never been able to truly define and experience what is to be a Mum. Acceptance that I couldn’t change my diagnosis and re-evaluating what I truly wanted was the turning point and now I am so grateful to have everything I ever wanted.
When we define what it is to be a ‘Mum’ it is so much more than simply DNA – I have given my girls life, and now I’m going to be with them every step of the way to show them how to live it.
Love, Becky x