Not all journeys to motherhood are easy. It can be a long, difficult & traumatic path for as many as 1 in 6 couples, with not all struggles ending with a baby. It’s very likely that someone you know is facing infertility, but may be suffering in silence. From those that have been there, here are some useful tips for how you can best support someone…
We don’t expect you to fix it for us, so please try to avoid saying… ⠀⠀
“Just relax”. Relaxing won’t get us pregnant when a medical condition is causing infertility – this comment can imply that it’s our fault for being too stressed.
“Just adopt”. Adoption isn’t an easy alternative, in reality there are so many emotions involved & a difficult process with no guarantees.
“Maybe you should try x, y, z…” with no medical knowledge or experience. Believe me, we’ve probably tried every wacky remedy under the sun. *
“At least you…” A comment often used to try to make us to feel better & see the positives in our situation. With good intention, we know you are trying to lessen our pain but being childless just isn’t comparable to material things.
Avoid comparison to life as a Mum. We know motherhood is hard, but I promise we would much prefer a screaming baby keeping us up at night rather than sleepless nights worrying whether we will ever be a Mum! ⠀⠀
Be sensitive with triggering announcements. Ask how we would prefer to be told about pregnancies / births. Often a text message as a ‘heads up’ is appreciated, as opposed to an unexpected announcement. Rest assured, we are happy for you, however the ache for a child can sometimes mean the sadness of our own situation is overwhelming.
Simply put – just be there, acknowledge our pain & say…”I’m sorry, it is shit. I am here for you. What can I do to support you?”
We might prefer to be left alone, want to talk about it, want a welcome distraction or just need a friendly ear to rant to every now & again. All we may need is for you to be there & stay with us whilst we’re on this rollercoaster journey.
Love, Becky x