I plan to be very open with Mila, Eska and Lena about how they were conceived using an egg donor. We don’t share genetics but despite this, we are still very similar in so many ways – all because of epigenetics, nurture over nature and simply through sharing nearly every waking minute with one another.
So, whilst being open might feel scary – almost like a bond is being broken with the truth – what you are actually doing is building an even greater bond with trust, honesty and understanding.
What I’m also finding is that you will probably start to realise, with delight, even more similarities than you otherwise might not have even noticed. I smile every time I hear myself in Mila – especially her overuse of the word “actually”, just like me! The way we share a knowing look and sideways glance as we both share the same sense of humour, knowing what will make each other smile. Even tiny physical similarities, Mila is delighted that we both share a freckle in the same place on our left foot – “just like Mummy’s” she says and it is her way of remembering left and right!
I share this to show that being open and telling your child about their donor conception doesn’t have to be daunting. You can build your own stories and narratives with the truth, giving them a sense of belonging and allowing it to be the only thing they have ever known. That’s not to say that I don’t have worries, I know there are more challenging years ahead as they grow and ask questions, but I hope that by laying a foundation of shared characteristics (that aren’t necessarily genetic) it will help make those conversations easier and so much more natural.
Love, Becky x
