This picture popped up on my memories today from 3 years ago. Mila at almost 6 months old (those chubby cheeks 🥰) and Matt at a similar age. They’re the same baby, right?! I still can’t believe how alike they were, and still are!
Before using donor eggs, I did wonder whether it would bother me if they were to look just like Matt, like it might make me feel less connected in some way. Truthfully, I was uncertain about not sharing physical features with my child and I feared that their similarities might make it more obvious that they didn’t look like me. In reality, I actually found it incredibly comforting and loved to see how much she resembled him, plus it was a great way of deflecting any potential comments about her likeness or (lack of) genetic link to me. I used to beat myself up for these fears and rarely said them out-loud, thinking in some way that I was ‘vain’ or ‘superficial’ for placing so much emphasis on looks. I realise now that it’s a genuine and very common human instinct, to want to pass on your ‘legacy’ and to be able to see yourself in your child. Society puts even greater pressure on this, with people instantly looking for physical similarities as an easy conversation starter with a newborn..I know, I used to do it all the time!
What I also now realise is that there are many other ways to see yourself in your children, Mila in particular is the most physically alike to Matt, but I see many personality traits and mannerisms from me too. Most importantly of all, she is herself – a beautiful individual, which excites me most of all – seeing who she is becoming.
Sitting here this afternoon, cosied under a blanket as we both recover from horrible winter viruses, those fears from 5 years ago couldn’t be further from my mind. I adore her for who she is and wouldn’t change a thing.
I’m sharing not only because the likeness in this picture is so striking, but because it has inspired me to open up about these fears I once had. Is this something you think/worry about? I’d love to hear from you and truly believe that opening up about these worries can really help us process them and feel less alone.
Love, Becky x
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