This picture popped up on my memories today from 3 years ago. Mila at almost 6 months old (those chubby cheeks šŸ„°) and Matt at a similarĀ age. They’re the same baby, right?! I still can’t believe how alike they were, and still are!

Before using donor eggs, I did wonder whether it would bother me if they were to look just like Matt, like it might make me feel less connected in some way. Truthfully, I was uncertain about not sharing physical features with my child and I feared that their similarities might make it more obvious that they didn’t look like me. In reality, I actually found it incredibly comforting and loved to see how much she resembled him, plus it was a great way of deflecting any potential comments about her likeness or (lack of) genetic link to me. I used to beat myself up for these fears and rarely said them out-loud, thinking in some way that I was ‘vain’ or ‘superficial’ for placing so much emphasis on looks. I realise now that it’s a genuine and very common human instinct, to want to pass on your ā€˜legacyā€™ and to be able to see yourselfĀ in your child. Society puts even greater pressure on this, with people instantly looking for physical similarities as an easy conversation starter with a newborn..I know, I used to do it all the time!

What I also now realise is that there are many other ways to see yourself in your children, Mila in particular is the most physically alike to Matt, but I see many personality traits and mannerisms from me too. Most importantly of all, she is herself – a beautiful individual, which excites me most of all – seeing who she is becoming.

Sitting here this afternoon, cosied under a blanket as we both recover from horrible winter viruses, those fears from 5 years ago couldn’t be further from my mind. I adore her for who she is and wouldnā€™t change a thing.

Iā€™m sharing not only because the likeness in this picture is so striking, but because it has inspired me to open up about these fears I once had. Is this something you think/worry about? I’d love to hear from you and truly believe that opening up about these worries can really help us process them and feel less alone.

Love, Becky x

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