This is ‘Mummy Rabbit’ – Mila’s favourite thing in the world, she goes everywhere with her, sleeps with her and is her ultimate comfort. I share this with you because I wanted to show that, regardless of genetics, a Mum who has used donor eggs is still everything to that child. I have been asked ‘will I feel a connection to the child?’ and ‘will they feel a connection to me?’ I must admit, I did worry about the latter question – part of me worried that my baby would somehow have a sixth sense that we didn’t share genetics and it might affect our bonding. How wrong I was! I can only give my experience but my answer to the questions above is unequivocally – YES.
I use ‘Mummy Rabbit’ as an example because comforters are a child’s safety blanket, a reminder of close special times and a bridge to help them move into the ‘big wide world’. The fact that Mila has so lovingly named her ‘Mummy Rabbit’ tells me that she sees me as her safety blanket, the one she feels closest to, and the one she has shared the most special times with.
She may not have my eyes but she sees things the way I do, she sounds just like me and has the same sense of humour as me – I smile when I hear myself in her, and even my family comment that she is just like I was as a child.
I now ask myself – why should it be any different to any relationship between a non-donor child and their biological Mother?! Biological is an interesting word – pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding are all biological, and so technically I am their ‘biological mother’. The difference is that there is another biological link in that a very kind lady donated her eggs to allow us to form the ‘blueprint’ for our children. It is with this ‘blueprint’ that I grew them, nourished them – effectively gave them life. Beyond all of this we could get into the nitty gritty science of Epigenetics – an evolving understanding of how donor mums play such an important part in determining the building blocks of our children (Epigenetics is fascinating – but that’s for another post!).