Regret – Feeling sad, repentant or disappointed over something one has done or failed to do.
I’m asked often if I regret not trying again with my own eggs.
I can honestly say that I don’t feel one ounce of sadness, repentance or disappointment about choosing to use donor eggs to have my family. I’ve never regretted not having one last roll of the dice with my eggs. How could I feel anything but happiness when I have our three beautiful girls?
At first, I worried whether it was the right decision, I wobbled even at the point we were in Prague for our DE consultation. I was torn between two conflicting emotions, riding the waves of grief along with surges of excitement about the new possibilities, a very strange and confusing position to be in.
I started asking myself some questions after our 5th failed own egg cycle, knowing the odds were so much more favourable with donor eggs.
“Will I regret moving to donor eggs now?”
My initial thought was – if it worked then I would have the long-awaited chance to be pregnant, to grow, nurture, give birth and raise a child. Maybe more than one child, if we were lucky. My childhood vision of a big family could actually be a possibility, something that had become such a distant dream as we battled to find that one golden egg.
“What could I potentially regret by making this decision?”
My second thought was about what I might regret. I’d be giving up my chance to have a genetic child, to pass on my DNA, family links and physical characteristics. I wouldn’t get to see the child that Matt and I would make together.
I realised that I had already begun to grieve for the loss of these desires, with each loss and failed cycle. When compared to the immense hope that I had been filled with from my initial thoughts, there was no comparison. I realised I could start to let these things go.
This then led to my third question…
“Would I regret NOT trying donor eggs?”
I answered this question in an instant, without even a second thought – YES. If it meant I couldn’t have the family I’d always dreamed of then I was absolutely sure that I would have lived every day regretting not giving myself the chance to try.
I think when it comes to regret, you need to ask yourself these questions and be really honest with yourself. If the feeling of potential regret is more dominant, then maybe you’re not ready to go there just yet, but it doesn’t mean you won’t ever be. Grief is a journey – it can shape your views and redefine your perspectives – you need to ride the waves and stay true to yourself.
I hope this helps those who are facing these crossroads in decision making. How do you face the question of potential regrets? I’d love to hear your thoughts…